Before it even started generating buzz, Disney’s live-action Snow White was doomed to failure. This was guaranteed by the casting director’s decision to have Gal Gadot portray the Evil Queen while Rachel Zegler serves as the titular character. Not to beauty-shame Zegler — or whatever microaggression I’m engaging in — but there is absolutely no way, even in the realm of pure fantasy, that the mirror responds to Gal Gadot asking who is the fairest of them all with any answer other than “You. It’s obviously you.” Because we’re talking about Gal Gadot, who is one of the most beautiful women on earth.
Not that I have seen or will see Snow White. As such, who knows if the mirror is even part of the storyline in this version? Real dwarfs didn’t make the cut, and they’re canonical. Snow White’s skin isn’t as white as snow. The Evil Queen is hot. It’s one giant mess, even before getting into the PR headaches Zegler has caused Disney. Regardless, we should all be thankful that this film was made, and even more thankful that it’s bombing fantastically.
Because while it’s annoying for every facet of pop culture to constantly preach at audiences, the only way for it to end is for it to collapse under the weight of its own stupidity. Given that Disney is one of the most unrelenting woke preachers in the entertainment industry, it’s only fitting that the studio’s idiotic pandering causes the entire edifice to crumble.
Disney’s sins — ones it would consider virtues, regardless of what audiences and box office receipts say to the contrary — are legion. It’s not the only company guilty of prioritizing lefty politics over entertainment though. For that, we have to look to the entirety of Hollywood, even as it’s theoretically in retreat from that position. And, sure, there are outliers (looking at you, Maverick) that run counter to the trend, but when we think about going to the movies, the current era has nothing on the 1980s.
For example, to go back forty years to the summer of 1985, audiences were looking forward to classics such as Back to the Future, The Goonies, Fletch, St. Elmo’s Fire, Weird Science, Teen Wolf, Real Genius, Better Off Dead, and, well, you get the idea. E.T., Ghostbusters, and Beverly Hills Cop weren’t far off in the rearview mirror.
What does summer 2025 have in store for us? Reboots and remakes, though I will cop to being excited enough about 28 Years Later to catch it on streaming once it makes it to one of those services. I’ll also probably watch Karate Kid: Legends, Jurassic World Rebirth, and the superhero ones, also on streaming. Regardless, it’s a pitiful lineup, one that doesn’t hold a candle to the glorious childhood lives of Gen Xers. The final season of Stranger Things is a more captivating coming attraction, and it’s a television show … one set in the ’80s.
Not that the future for Hollywood is a return to that time period. It was a different decade, one that the offerings of the day reflected. Beyond that, getting something like The Goonies made today would be impossible given the fat-shaming endured by Chunk (and the fact that he was nicknamed Chunk) and the racial stereotyping of Data. Nor is the answer for Hollywood types to start using copious amounts of cocaine, as was the fashion at the time.
What is crucial is for the studios to remember not just that entertainment matters but that it’s also okay for films to be deeper than the paper on which the promo posters are printed. The jock can have a sensitive side, the nerd a fighting one. The hot girl can be an intellectual. And that’s just referencing The Breakfast Club. What is also crucial is for studios to get a handle on their talent. We never knew what Molly Ringwald’s opinions about anything were, for example. As such, it is absolutely insane, to return to Snow White, for Zegler to not have been muzzled for her various and sundry unhinged rants.
Fortunately, money talks. I trust you readers know how the rest of that expression goes. And, as mentioned, Snow White is an unmitigated disaster. Moreover, the modern era just can’t touch earlier ones, even when adjusted for inflation. Sure, the Marvel movies make bank, but that franchise is running out of steam, as is the formulaic nature of modern entertainment — one in which the tried and tested blueprint trumps a belief in crazy ideas alongside leaders willing to risk themselves in order to nurture them. (Maybe bring back cocaine after all?)
This is why Snow White is actually a blessing. Not only does it seemingly suck, it’s also a failure, a magnificent and glorious one. Only from the ashes of such failure can Hollywood return, once again remembering that its job is to entertain everyone and not solely offer litanies to the choir.
In other words, 2025 may seem decades from 2020, but it’s still up to us to stay home and stay safe, most notably from Snow White and movies like it. This time, though, social distancing may work, for while the entertainment industry is in the gutter, it’s still looking at the stars. And from that position it might again rise, offering us truly enlightening films, the likes of which still slip through from time to time — instead of deigning to insult our intelligence with woke shibboleths and preposterous lies regarding Gal Gadot’s ethereal allure.
